1. |
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I'm ill for the last time
Doctor, I'm done with the whole experiment
Write me up as an accident, oh please
I give myself a year or two
Maybe two or three months will do
But I'll pull through
I'm ill for the last time
I've never felt healthier though I know I don't look it
I've never felt healthier about to kick the bucket
I'm ill for the last time
Doctor, slow are the fixes and quick the breaks
All bets are better if this bug takes, oh please
I give myself a week or two
Maybe two or three days will do
But I'll pull through
I'm ill for the last time
I've never felt healthier for all the funny wheezes
I've never felt healthier about to push up daisies
I'm Ill for the last time
Doctor, give me a drag on your cigarette
I'll live to have the last laugh yet, oh please
I give myself a day or two
Maybe two or three minutes will do
But I'll pull through
I'm ill for the last time
I've never felt healthier when every inch I worsen
I've never felt healthier about to take a burton
I'll write my own obituary
Hands off with your handwriting that no one can read
I'll write my own obituary
Hands off with your handwriting that no one can read
I'll write my own obituary
Hands off with your handwriting that no one can read I'll write my own obituary
Hands off with your handwriting that no one can read
Goodbye
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2. |
Love Amputee
04:18
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He has a playful suggestion that comes with a smile and a wink
He says, 'Whadya think?'
I say that he's made an impression and knock back a stiff drink
And then he shows me the skirt that will satisfy his kink
I'm a love amputee, you won't see
I was a he, and now I'm a she
I'm a love amputee, you won't see
I was a he, and now it seems he's got a thing for me dressed up as a librarian
Wants me to behave with him very authoritarian
Treat him with the hands of a strict disciplinarian
In a bobbed hairdo, wearing horn rims too
He wants to call me Clara because an old actress had the name
He says, 'Be that dame'
I say I'll be happy to be her without an ounce of shame
And then I put on stilettos and I'm not the same
I'm a love amputee, you won't see
I was a he, and now I'm a she
I'm a love amputee, you won't see
I was a he, and now it t turns out that a book he borrowed really went and blew his mind
He kept it when he shouldn't have, and now he's ready to be fined
The punishment should fit the crime if only I would be so kind
He is overdue, what's a librarian to do?
He says he will treat me nicely, if I treat him thoroughly bad
He says I'll be glad
I ask what he means precisely and he shows his notepad
And then I see the diagrams to turn a sane mind mad
I'm a love amputee, you won't see
I was a he, and now I'm a she
I'm a love amputee, you won't see
I was a he, and now my days and nights are written for me in a risque A through z
Cause he can't turn off all the thoughts that turn him on inside his head
It's time to put the theory into practice now that he's so well read
He wants to undo every taboo
I'm a love amputee, you won't see
I was a he, and now I'm a she
I'm a love amputee, you won't see
I was a he, and now I'm a she
There's a rip in my stockings baby
There's a rip in my stockings baby
There's a rip in my stockings baby
There's a rip in my stockings baby
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3. |
Without It
01:52
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Be my It, I said to It
I suited It, so It agreed to it
Then I woke today, a castaway, without It
This sure feels like it
I played with It, laughed with It
To look at It, you wouldn’t think it
But come to think of it, only I saw It
Without It, this sure feels like it
Where is It? No, that’s not It
For a moment it looked just like It
To hell with it, every bit of it
When I’m without It, this sure feels like it
If you do see It, you are it
It’ll be It, that’s the fun of It
Why am I the one who has to be the one to live without it?
This sure feels like it
This sure feels like it
This sure feels like it
This sure feels like it
This sure feels like it
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4. |
Here Come The Ants
02:07
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Here come the ants, here come the ants
Here come the ants, here come the ants
That box of Nerds was our favorite
They can't have got to us out of the thin air
We'll look and look, move the bed and the chair
Here come the ants, here come the ants
Here come the ants, here come the ants
Winifred was your favorite
Not for a minute can we leave stuff alone
We'll look and look for each stitch you had sewn
Here come the ants, here come the ants
Here come the ants, here come the ants
Pesticides are their favorite
I see them meeting about you and me
We'll look and look for a new place to be
Here come the ants, here come the ants
Here come the ants, here come the ants
You were always a favorite
The other day what was it that you said?
I'll look and look, you might as well be dead
Here come the ants, here come the ants
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5. |
Said Your Family
02:03
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'You're better off without him,' said your mother
There's a hole in my shoe that I can see through
Through the hole in my shoe I can see you
If the hole gets bigger I won't have a shoe
'Mark our words he'll wear a hole through you,' said your family
'You're better off without him,' said your father
There's a hole in my sock that I can see through
Through the hole in my sock I can see you
If the hole gets bigger I won't have a sock
'He'll probably wear a hole through you by eight o'clock,' said your family
'You're better off without him,' said your brother
There's a hole in the floor that I can see through
Through the hole in the floor I can see you
If the hole gets bigger I won't have a floor
'Is that a hole in you that you're covering for?' said your family
'You're better off without him', said you sister
There's a hole in you that I can see through
Through the hole in you I can see guess who?
And as the hole gets bigger, your family do too
'We told you he was going to wear a hole through you,' said your family
'You should have listened to your family,' said your family
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6. |
A Pack Of Gum (For You)
02:20
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Took a dollar in my pocket taking up space
Rich as Rockefeller in my imaginary place
I guess I could invest it, but it's more fun to spend it
I'll buy a pack of gum for you
I really like to see you with a mouthful of gum
Quite the bad boy hooligan good sons shy away from
And the bubbles you pop tie me in a big love knot
I'll buy a pack of gum for you
At the 7-Eleven they sell Bubblicious
There's Bazooka and Bubble Yum, each piece lovelicious
But Fruit Stripe's the one I choose 'cause those come with tattoos
I'll buy a pack of gum for you
Now I've spent my last dollar, and I'm nothing but poor
I don't know what you see in me, and I'll tell you something more
I wish the gum were a tree house, I hate to see you without
I bought a pack of gum for you
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7. |
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I don't know how to stop wearing the bed
Why don't you have my brain in your head?
But when I hear Daniel Johnston play there's a 'hi how are you' in my day
So if the world should end, good
Though thank you, Daniel, thank you
Shama lama ding dong
Shama lama ding dong
I don't know why I bother at all
Are you just as fed up as me?
But when I hear the Beatles sing
All the crap fades away to nothing
So if the world should end, good
Though thank you, Fab Four, thank you
Shama lama ding dong
Shama lama ding dong
I don't know if it gets better than this
Do you think that this is all that there is?
But when I hear a new Morrissey song
I find an extra step to help me long
So if the world should end, good
Though thank you, Mozzer, thank you
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you
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8. |
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Free books for all at The Hard Luck Bookstore
'You're money's no good' says a sign stuck up on the door
Found abandoned, picked out the trash
A J.K. Rowling rescued from the ash
At The Hard Luck Bookstore
On the shelf is a Shirley Jackson
Rough around the edges but gives full satisfaction
At The Hard Luck Bookstore
Free books for all at The Hard Luck Bookstore
Give a little love to a world that was done for
Broken spines, and dog-eared pages
Faded lines, and unread in ages
At The Hard Luck Bookstore
Clumsy hands dropped her in the bath
You'll never find a cleaner Miss Sylvia Plath
At The Hard Luck Bookstore
Free books for all at The Hard Luck Bookstore
Been in business since circa Nineteen Eighty-Four
A boy in pajamas took an Alfred Hitchcock
Hidden inside a nightmare of a shock
At The Hard Luck Bookstore
Open weekends if they're not closed
I found Ray Bradbury almost decomposed
At The Hard Luck Bookstore
At The Hard Luck Bookstore
At The Hard Luck Bookstore
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9. |
Or Is It Just Me?
02:16
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Or is it just me?
Perhaps it is
I know what I'll do
I'll take a quiz
Do you hold me the way I hold you?
Or kiss me the way I kiss you?
Do you love me the way I love you?
No, no, no, no. no
It goes to show, I know
Or is it just me?
Or is it just me?
Maybe it is
I know what I'll do
I'll take a quiz
Do you hold me the way I hold you?
Or kiss me the way I kiss you?
Do you love me the way I love you?
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes
With this P.S., I guess
Or is it just me?
Love me, love me not, love me, love me not, love me, love me knot, love me, love me not
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10. |
Paint Me In
01:59
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2 is Cookie Monster blue, I think
I'm thrilled I met you, I'm tickled pink
I love the way you paint me in
Paint me in
7 turned the orange in a sunset
Where your brush will land is a fun bet
I love the way you paint me in
Paint me in
You paint me in by numbers
Gone are the dreary, grey days of old
Now I'm living in color
At the end of me you'll find a pot of gold
46 got splashed a purple that's best
My days were numbered, 5 would attest
I love the way you paint me in
Paint me in
You paint me in by numbers
Gone are the dreary, grey days of old
Now I'm living in color
At the end of me you'll find a pot of gold
18 and yellow have jumped into bed
Let's you & I go paint the town red
I love the way you paint me in
Paint me in
I said I love, love, the way you paint me, paint me, paint me, paint me in
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11. |
Anyone Else But Me
02:13
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The inappropriate things I say
The stones and pounds that I weigh
It makes me, me
I wouldn't want to be anyone else but me
I got spat on walking along
I was seen as everything wrong
It makes me, me
I wouldn't want to be anyone else but me
Anyone else but me is your cup of tea
It makes me sad
Still I'm rather glad, I'm no one else but me
Anyone else but me, you've got eyes to see
It makes me mad
Still it ain't half bad being someone like me
The line I draw that ends up a blob
The grime that keeps me bit of a slob
It makes me, me
I wouldn't want to be anyone else but me
I've reached the very end of my rope
I'm swinging back and forth without hope
It makes me, me
I wouldn't want to be anyone else but me
Anyone else but me is your cup of tea
It makes me sad
Still I'm rather glad, I'm no one else but me
Anyone else but me, you've got eyes to see
It makes me mad
Still it ain't half bad being someone like me
I've saved a place beside for me you
I'd like to talk to anyone else but me
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12. |
It's A Miserable Life
02:22
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I don't know what's come over me
I'm usually the first to see it's a wonderful life
Suddenly I'm not free wheeling
I'm peddling a hilly feeling it's a miserable life
It's a miserable life
How did I fall out with a wonderful life?
It's a miserable life
How did I end up with a miserable life?
I wrote a letter yesterday
I wrote a friend in a bad way, 'It's a wonderful life!'
Different as chalk and cheese
I wrote back with new ABCs , 'It's a miserable life!'
It's a miserable life
How did I fall out with a wonderful life?
It's a miserable life
How did I end up with a miserable life?
I've looked around both high and low
I've found there is nothing to show it's a wonderful life
I think I'll get back into bed
For now at least it's better said it's a miserable life
It's a miserable life
How did I fall out with a wonderful life?
It's a miserable life
It's not wonderful with a miserable life
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13. |
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Just like the scrub jay with the racket it makes
I won't shut up for the world
I won't fall in line to fall in love with you
I won't fall in line to fall in love with you
Odds are that you don't like me, but if you do
I won't fall in line to fall in love with you
Just like the monkey that's footloose and fancy free
I won't be put in a cage
I won't fall in line to fall in love with you
I won't fall in line to fall in love with you
Odds are that you don't like me, but if you do
I won't fall in line to fall in love with you
Just like the leopard with each and every spot
I won't change the way I am
I won't fall in line to fall in love with you
I won't fall in line to fall in love with you
Odds are that you don't like me, but if you do
I won't fall in line to fall in love with you
I don't like many people, but oh I do like you
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dally eek San Leandro, California
My songs are are lo-fi, home recordings jam-packed with good stuff for your aunt nells and your lallie tappers.
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